Why won’t he listen to me?!
This is a complaint we hear from many, many women. So men, what does it mean for a man to listen to his wife?
Well, here are the major complaints that women have.
1. He doesn’t seem to hear what I’m saying.
2. He isn’t paying attention when I’m talking.
3. He interrupts and asks me questions.
4. He isn’t interested, or seems to be bored.
5. He’s impatient and wants me to quit talking.
6. He doesn’t want to talk and share his thoughts with me.
Men, if you want to save your marriage, then we’re going to let you know what you need to do in order to take care of each of these complaints.
1. He doesn’t seem to hear what I’m saying. Solution: don’t listen to the words, listen to the feeling and emotion behind the words. For a woman, that’s what really counts.
2. He isn’t paying attention when I’m talking. Solution: put away your books, magazine, newspaper and/or turn off the TV. Look her full in the eyes, turn your body towards her, uncross your legs and your arms, and give her feedback as she talks. Don’t interrupt her, just say things like, “umm hmmm”, or “great!”, or “really”. When you think that there is an emotion behind something that she sharing, like excitement, frustration, anger, irritation, then it’s appropriate to say, “I can see that you’re really your frustrated about that”, or “wow, you’re right, that would really make me angry too.”
3. He interrupts and asks me questions. Solution: men interrupt and ask questions in order to be able to get to the bottom of a problem. Find out in the beginning of your discussion with your wife, if she is interested in having you solve a problem for her or simply listen to her. If she wants you to solve a problem, then you can ask questions. If she just wants you to listen, see the answers to complaints 1 & 2.
4. He isn’t paying attention or seems to be bored. Solution: see the answer to problem #2,
5. He’s impatient and wants me to quit talking. Solution: no matter what time you were planning on spending in a conversation with your wife, double it or triple it – at least in the beginning. Guys, the long term benefits of this time investment are huge – trust me.
6. He doesn’t want to talk or share with me. Solution: get a glass, or a cup of your favorite beverage, leaned back in the chair, give her your full attention, and don’t plan on leaving until she’s finished. When she’s finished, thank her for sharing her thoughts and tell her that you love spending time with her. If you’ve given her the impression in the past that you don’t want to talk, or that you’re not interested, you may have to tell her this dozens of times, before she begins to believe you. Sorry, no quick fix here, just time invested. If you follow the plan that we’ve laid out above, not only will you save your marriage, your wife will think you are the most incredible husband on the face of the earth, she’ll brag about you to every one of her friends, and, she’ll be more than eager to meet some of your “emotional” needs later on.
Dr. Vance Hardisty International Speaker and Author Love Relationship Headquarters www.loverelationshipheadquarters.com
Does your marriage need help? You are not alone. 100’s of thousands have used our marriage advice. We’ll show you how to save your marriage , and get separate help for men This article, By Listening You Can Save Your Marriage is available for free reprint.
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